That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
