I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize