the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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