dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
