Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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