if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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