God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
