Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
