I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
