Kiss
Puke
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
