babies were throwing up all over the place
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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