So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
