wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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