She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
