You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
