R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
