FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
