somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
