We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
