you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
