I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
