Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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