based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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