They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
