Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
