Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
