I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
