i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
