What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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