Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
