at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
