I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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