we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
