You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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