me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
dude. I can hear the air.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
