im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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