that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
