i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
