Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
