I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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