I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
