I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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