I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is the high leading the old right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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