so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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