im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
