I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
