On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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