The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
