you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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