I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
