apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
