You're my little dorito
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
