No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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