i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
