So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
