"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
