My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
