At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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