i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
