we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
