ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
