Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
