3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the condom got lost in my hair
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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